God's Grace

I've told this story before, on the blog too I believe, about a time that J and I were talking about Tootsie and how she prepped us for our life ahead.

I remember it like it was yesterday. J and I were just dating and I was dealing with yet another one of Toots' medical issues. She was a rescued puppy mill Bulldog so you can only imagine the issues she came to me with.

With tears in my eyes, I told my loving boyfriend that God was prepping me for a life with a child with Special Needs. I knew it in my heart. I felt it. Ironicly, J and I had the convo long before this instance -about what we would do if we ever had a child with special needs and we both agreed, we would have our child, with loving arms. We'd love that child like no other. Meet a keeper- Check!

Pretty intense convo for a dating couple.. yea, that's true. But I now believe it was God's Grace that brought us to that point. I believe that he brought us together and we had those conversations because it was his plan.

I have always believed in God. I have always prayed. I am the great-granddaughter of a Preacher. But I wasn't in tune with My God or my religion until the last year or so. Its certainly a sense of calm knowing that he is on our side - what that really means and that its all a part of his plan, thats for sure.

Recently the message at church has been about answering the tough questions that keep people questioning their faith. To answer the things that just don't add up. Kids is always one that kept me wondering. Suffering. That kind of thing.

A recent message - as recent as last week - connected a lot for me. It hit home. It was about God's Grace.

You see, I am a sinner. I have made mistakes and poor choices in my life. Some of which I somtimes felt could have played a role in the chromosomal makeup that God gave my first born. However, I now KNOW that my sins are not paid for by my child nor is her DNA makeup a sin at all.

I now KNOW that she is genuinely a gift of God's Grace and given to me as a sign from God. To show that he forgives and will still love me enough to give me such a precious child.

3 precious children to be exact.

Yea, I have heard all the sayings - God only gives kids with special needs to special parents. Or people that constantly tell me that J and I are this or that... as parents. I know they mean well. I know they are giving us a compliment. But truthfully, it makes me a little uncomfortable.

I am just a parent. I am a mother that loves her kids with all of her being. I was meant to be a mother and I was meant to be LB's mother. As I was Lilli's and Ash's too. I was meant to be Tootsie's Mother as I am to Porsche as well. I do what I have to do. I am by no means perfect, better than anyone else at this role or doing anything special. I am just a mom. That loves her kids.

But if you would've asked me 4 years ago if I believed God  gave her to me... Yes and no. I knew he did. I didn't really know why. Nor did I realize I had such an amazing guide. I have a great co-pilot in J, I have an amazing support system to carry the weight too. But truth be told, He's the one that navigates me; that helps the most and I have one heck of an air traffic controller navigating my friendly skies!

Until next time...


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