Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I AM WOMAN

There's a little sumthin on my mind lately. Mostly from some recent and not-so recent incidents that I would like to share. I am sure there are other women experiencing some similar issues so please share a comment if so. I'd love to hear about it. 

Here's the dealio... I am an educated, motivated, intelligent and strong person. Just sayin. I have worked hard to put myself through college, climb the ladder at a very successful company and to bear children, run a home and raise two precious and wonderful girls to become the same kind of woman.

With that said, let me set the stage for ya. When J and I got married and went to sign up for a joint checking account, I witnessed my feminist side for the first time. (let's be honest it, wasn't the first time.. just one that I can recall)  The "guy" our banker at a VERY popular financial institution, kindly directed the conversation to J. Almost disregarding me entirely. I wanted to stand up and protest to be respected but thought maybe he was just a donkey's toosh so let it slide, vowing to never speak to him again. THEN, it became known to me that ALL of our checking account info now comes to only my husband. HELLO - this is a JOINT account.

Second instance. We, as in - me and the kids, are at the pediatrician's office. They ask for my husbands insurance card. Confused, I ask why as he didn't carry the insurance. Their words- "Oh, who is your insurance through then?" WHAT? AM I in a time warp here? UM, it's through me, sweetheart.

Third instance - oh yea, it's still happening here people! All of Leighton's medical bills have always and still do, come in my husband's name. Even when ALL of the insurance was through me. WHAT?!

Fourth instance - seeing the pattern? Our truck is in BOTH of our names. All correspondence comes to him. I am not even mentioned.

Fifth & Sixth instances - and this one is the one that gets my blood boiling. Twice now, I have taken Toots to the vet - by myself. Mind you, Toots was my dog before I met J. At both of these said instances, both different vet facilities, different docs, the doc looks at me and suggests that I go home and talk to my husband BEFORE he even tells me what the situation is. Inferring that I would need to discuss with my husband to decide the best course of action. You think he makes better decisions buddy?? Cause I will tell you what he will say... whatever I think is best. Got that partner?

NOW. I am not sure where I have moved to because I wasn't aware that you lose your rights as a woman in this state. But I am from KY. And all jokes aside, we get a pretty bad wrap as a state for being 'backwards' or slow. But let me tell ya, I have never experienced the feminism oppression as I have in the great state of IN. I mean, come on!! Is it 1940 all over again?! Didn't women burn their bras for this stuff?!

Fast forward into the current time - aka, this last year - becoming a SAHM has been more than challenging for me. It really hit me when I had to fill in all of my husbands info at the Dr.'s office versus my own. Then to have to leave my portion - BLANK - because I have no input from an employer standpoint. (sidenote, I think I will start adding LB and Ash Inc. to through them off. HAHA!) 

I think it was so hard for me, because of these above experiences. I feel like I fought hard for my independence and now, because I chose to be a mother, I am being downgraded in the eyes of society. I felt like I had given a part of that independence up. But the sad part is that I haven't at all. What I am dong now is far more important to society than the life in advertising I had in the past. Being a SAHM contributes as much - actually more - to my family than me working ever did.

It's society and how we assume that men are superior and that because a woman isn't employed outside of the home, she isn't considered to be "working". Its bogus and unfair. And frankly, it hurts. It's hard for strong women like me to deal with. Just being honest here.

Many of these instances happened while I was working 'outside of the home' so it really has less to do with the SAHM factor but it all correlates. Because we put these thoughts and pressures on our moms, they have a tendency to feel inadequate. I know I am not alone on this one. Post-partum is real. And it's scary.

I recently took the plunge to visit a doctor for my emotional 'issues'. While I knew that I suffered from anxiety, I also worried that I was going through post-partum depression. I didn't admit it to myself or anyone else until after I stopped nursing Ash. With the surge of hormones and being away from an office environment for nearly a year now, I was going through some things and I had to face them.

When I finally owned up to these feelings, I called my OB. Sounds reasonable, right? The receptionist blew me off and told me to seek another Dr. because it wasn't technically PP since my child was about 13 mo., at that time. She never asked how long I had those feeling, what I was feeling or had I sought help elsewhere. Just threw me to the wolves like that. I felt so sad. I trusted that Dr. and wanted to talk to HER. Not a stranger.

I later researched and could have probably gotten her into some deep trouble. To me that could easily be considered medical negligence. I was refused treatment when seeking help. Lucky for them (and me- this is just an example) that I wasn't as fragile as I could have been. What if I were the type to harm myself or my family like its been in the recent news? Shame on her.

So what am I trying to say here? If a woman tells you that she is depressed, listen. Life is hard and if someone is throwing the rope, the least another can do is grab it. You can always let go later. But you may never have the chance to grab it again.

I also really think we are leaps and bounds away from equality as a society. In so many facets. Growing up in an interracial family, I have witnessed this for most of my life. Racism his ugly and even uglier if you or someone you love is the victim. As are those with disabilities. I too have grown up with a family member who was wheelchair bound. Not only are there physical limitations, but the emotional are much deeper and often get the least treatment.

Now my daughter, who has an adorable face with features that will automatically throw her into categorizations that make me nauseated at the mere thought. Add to this that she is a woman, she already starts her life a few steps behind just by her DNA makeup.

I pray that one day girls, all races and all abilities will one day have the same opportunities as their male counterparts. I hope and dream for it. We have earned it. And we DESERVE it. Let's face it, without us, there is no future! It's time the world recognize that and show us the respect we deserve.

I hope we don't have to burn any more bras to get there. Those things are pricey! But darn it, I will!

This is my rant. I am now done. I leave you with this.. My girls. Girls RULE!

I seriously have no idea why my pics wont stay formatted
correctly - any suggestions?? I use iPiccy to edit. :(
Still cute though 


Until next time..
Shona

2 comments:

  1. Out of all the blogs out there, yours is the only one I actually read. You are more amazing than I ever could have imagined. I'm lucky to know you! Should the bra burning be needed again, I have five sisters, just sayin :-)

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  2. Christine CangianoMarch 25, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    You are one rockin' mom, Shona! I feel your pain about the respect by businesses, etc. Funny thing is that most SAHMs I know are actually the primary decision-makers. They are paying the bills, deciding what businesses to partonize, which doctors to visit. I always laugh when I get calls from 1-800-Youoweme and they ask for Bill. It's funny because we don't have a landline and we use my phone number as the primary, so I always tell them Bill is not at this number - just to keep them guessing. In other words, I try to face it with a sense of humor. Don't let anyone steal your power. You ARE woman!

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