Emotional Calluses

Yes, its been my longest absence. Yes, I am sorry. No, I won't promise not to do it again. Because as I have learned, life gets in the way.

It's been a rollercoaster of 2 weeks to say the least. Starting with the tragic loss of an old friend. I will share more on her story this Friday as she will be laid to rest and I can't attend the services. So this is my way of sharing my memories and love for my friend.

In addition to this heartbreak, we are dealing with many doctor visits. Leighton has been battling a sinus infection that doesn't want to leave her sweet little head. Add that to the GI visits we're already dealing with from the poo issues, and we are getting our fair share of the places I could do without.

She had a normal ultrasound so we thought we were good to go with the liver issues. Low and behold, we were jumping the gun apparently. The GI doc called on a Sunday which caused some concern on Jay and my part. Upon hearing him tell me that her numbers were high again for her liver enzymes, I would have to bring her in for more tests. Blood work to be exact.

So I took her to get her synagis vaccine and asked to speak to her pediatrician. If I have learned ANYTHING about having a kiddo with Special Needs or any kind of medical issue, its to not self diagnose as much as possible. My "what if" brain gets the best of me and the internet becomes my enemy and bad messenger. I refrain from looking up things on the internet as much as possible.

The list of tests they are running is enough to make anyone woozy. Given her tiny body, they have to break up the amount of blood they pull at one time so we have to visit frequently this week. They tested her for Leukemia and the word alone made me very anxious. Everything from Hepatitis, Mono, you name it, they are or have tested her for. All of which came back negative. Pheww! So the testing will continue until they figure out what is making her liver work so hard. Her levels did drop this week.. so that's a plus. And she's really happier than I have seen her in a while.

Ironically, I wasn't a mess like I usually am. I held my cool and felt a sense of calmness. I thank the Hunger Games for that. It is teaching me to fight or flight. I have to survive because someone else is depending on me. I was/am ready to tackle whatever they bring.

In all seriousness, I do think I am developing my emotional callus. It's the life we will live. Doctors will be a permanent fixture in our world. We will have scary tests and more frequently than most. But is that a bad thing really? We get to figure out if something is wrong most likely before they would catch it for a typical kiddo.

My boss said it best when he was asking me what Ds was and I told him, "Its an extra copy of the 21st chromosome in every cell of her body." His response was perfect... "So she's better than everyone else?"

Yes.. She is.

Until next time...


  1. "So she's better than everyone else"...Love it!

  2. What a great read, I love the picture at the bottom. You continue to be an inspiration!


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